The walkThe walk

Assalamualaikum. .i,had oficially turned 18 last saturday. .i believe that as i grow older,my body must not be the only thing which is growing. .i must grow as a whole. .physically,mentally and spiritually. .i had a small celebration for my birthday with my family and friends. .somehow i feel that it shouldn't be just me we were celebrating for but it should be for everybody who had been an influence to me. .my parents especially,the rest of the family and my friends. .bcause without them,im not 'me'. .lalala. .regarding my education,i am currently waiting for an answer from the Ministry of Education. .hopefully i'll get the scholarship. .amiin. .hehe. .i have lots to say,but it takes a lot of time for me to put it all here. .maybe next time. .assalamualaikum

Aku Bangun Semula

Assalamualaikum. .pertama sekali,alhamdulillah,rasa sakit yang menusuk hati telah pun berkurangan. Tapi saya masih bimbang,kerana saya tidak mahu kehilangan seorang sahabat.Tambahan lagi,dia selalu membuat saya teringat kepada Allah. Mungkin sudah sampai seminggu saya tidak mendengar khabarnya. Saya masih tidak faham mengapa dia perlu menghilang,padahal saya tidak berlaku salah. Atau mungkin saya tidak menyedarinya. Saya kini,bak kata orang Inggeris 'walking solo' ! Memang ada kebaikan dan keburukannya sendiri. Tetapi saya tidak berniat untuk menceritakan hal tersebut di sini. Saya sekarang berada di atas satu barisan yang nipis. Di sebelah kiri ada lah 'Fauzan' yang mencuba untuk mencari pengganti,walaupun dia mengetahui eanya adalah salah. Dia sesungguhnya masih mempunyai perasaan walaupun sedikit terhadap wanita yang telah meninggalkannya. Manakala di sebelah kanan adalah 'Fauzan' yang berusaha untuk menahan diri dan berhati hati dari terjatuh ke perangkap cinta yang mungkin tidak membawa kebaikan. Dia percaya bahawa dia masih terlalu muda untuk memikirkan hal perkahwinan dan dia menanti akan harinya dia betul betul bersedia untuk berumah tangga. Memang 'Fauzan' yang berada di sebelah kanan adalah lebih baik dari yang di sebelah kiri. Dan memang 'wanita Y' mahukan saya untuk menjadi 'Fauzan' yang berada di sebelah kanan. Jika saya menjadi 'Fauzan' di kiri,maka sia sia lah pengorbanan 'wanita Y' . . Dengan ini saya berharap saya berjalan menuju ke arah yang betul,perjalanan ke arah kebaikan,amin ya rabbal alamin. . Assalamualaikum.

the last drop of ink

“No. . .It can’t be. .” I stared onto the small pixelated screen of the phone I was firmly holding. My grip started to weaken as my whole body trembled in a sudden, like a person who’d just seen a ghost. The pink colour of my lips faded into a pale shade of purple. I re-read the text message I received. Unsatisfied, I began to read it again, and again, and again. .For each time, the pace of my breathing doubled itself. I studied each and every word thoroughly for the last time. “No.” I cried in disbelief. My knees dropped to the cold hard tiles of the floor. I leaned back to the blue wall and tried to find a comfortable position to sit. Slowly, I put the phone in my hand into the right pocket of my trousers. I raised my head and stared into the ceiling above me. Droplets of sorrow streamed down my dry cheeks. I tried to wipe the tears off my face but new ones replaced them in a matter of a second.

A fusion of feelings were driven through my weakened body. Sadness, happiness, pain. . My face contorted as I resisted myself from screaming my heart out. Short peculiar sounds began to escape from my mouth. I flooded my room that day. .

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It was a message from the person who had my beating heart. .My unconditional trust. .My undying love. .The special relationship we had, our journey towards eternal happiness, she had put to a stop. Her reasons are truly sincere and it’s the exact same reason why I thought of leaving her before; to walk the right path to Allah. I knew it was best for me to leave her but I did not want to hurt her. So I stayed with her. . until now. .She’s a strong one. .Its hurtful; the fact that I now have to erase the memories we had together. The sweet ones, the bitter ones, all of it. .If we can still be friends now, then it wouldn’t be much of a suffering for me. But that’s not the case. *chuckles* She’s not going to spend a second of her life with me any longer. It’s like she never existed. This is all happening too rapid. I guess I have to live with this. Alright, I’m done blogging, I’m off to sleep. .

The new chapter

Assalamualaikum and hello. .*inspects surrounding* hmm,i expected this place to be more abandoned-looking,with dust and spiderwebs everywhere. .i am disappointed. .aah,its nearly 2 in the morning. .i shouldn't be blogging right now. .i shouldn't even be AWAKE right now *Satsuki's song in my head*. .Well,a few updates won't hurt,would it? So how is my LIFE nowadays? Aah,i finally have a life after leaving the '' affordable casual dining restaurant '' which name i wouldn't mention. .Pizza Hut~ must've got some sort of soap in my mouth,its so slippery that words just slip off. .that certainly won't be a good thing to happen when Im teaching. .wait,did I say TEACHING? Im a teacher now? Yes,I am. .So I am Mr Fauzan the teacher. .I consider my self lucky. .I mean,being a teacher,who would've expected? So Alhamdulillah. .I teach Physics,Combined Science,General Paper and Mathematics at a tuition centre in Kiulap. .Its a lot of fun! At first I was gonna be like the cool,macho,serious type of teacher but after a few weeks the wild side of me just exposed it self to the students. .lol. .Alhamdulillah again,i have more pay than I had in Pizza Hut,LESS STRESS! I get to have dinner with my family now and I don't have to put on a fake smile all the time. .I am truly grateful. .You know what? i really don't know what to write cuz theres just too many things i want to say. .Education! ! i am nearly done with my UCAS thingy,just need to apply and I really hope I'd get a placement at Sheffield Uni. cuz thats where most of my buddies are ALREADY ACCEPTED. .yeah im kinda left behind. .*wait for meee~~* now,LOVE talk! !how is my love life? Fantastic ! But is it love? Its weird that im using the word 'love' now cuz WE kinda restrict ourselves from using that word. . She's NOT my girl,and im NOT her boy. .or man,what ever. .She's the person that maybe one day i would propose to marriage. .She's my PFW ! ! PFW is a term i created a few seconds ago which stands for Potential Future Wife. .yeah,thats about it. .sometimes i feel bad about my self for making her sound like an object rather than a human. .I mean i just called her PFW! Which kinda reminds me of BMW. .apakan. .I don't know. .I don't want to give her my all because I am not sure,of us. .We are like 10 years to go before we finally marry,if we are meant for each other. .What if,we are not? I don't want her or me to get hurt. .I miss her right now,shes busy studying cuz exam is near. .sometimes i compare the feeling of being lonely and the feeling of missing someone and try to figure out which is worse. .lets talk bout music. .aah,i think i have managed to improve my vocals,hehe. .Sound and pitching is better now. .but i still need to do more practice. .My studio? I have spent nearly $700 on studio stuffs. .$120 on headphones. .$110 on mics. .$70 on cables. .$260 on mixer. .$84 on sound card. .and im planning to get more mics,hahahah. .hmm,i think i wanna get some sleep now,hehe. .Assalamualaikum and Gud morning. .

. . .

Assalamualaikum! ! !and ALAW! ! !sory yo lama dh nda bupdate,mcm blek2 dh aku ckp cmane,hahaha. . .adakn ku gtau bh,ngaleh dh ku blogging sbnrnya,hehe,sibuk sja lge ku. .aku dh kerja,d pija hut mall,now as a full time waiter,eath ngaleh atu x,hehehe. Siuk jua laa,byk kwn pilipino,hahah,brunei pun ada jua laa. . .aku suka ambil order yo!mcm siuk bckp dgn stranger atu,lonely x ku,hahahah. . .mcm2 ulah customer ane,ada yg snyum2,ada yg ktawa2,ada yg marung2,ada yg marah2,hahah. .ada yg bcali,ada yg serius,ada yg mcm nda ingau kn ordernya,hahah. . .n aku suka serve food,n pnyap2 meja. .siuk laaah~tapi ngaleh,hahaha. .exercise jua laa. . .hehe. . .hari ane aku off!eath aku dpt blogging ane,hehe. . .and awu,aku jrg dh blog cne,pasal aku ada "diary" baru O.O sorry aku curang arah kau wahai youngjok3r.blogspot.com. . .huhuhu. . .ok,cmane planku kn krja ne. . .3-4 bulan kerja full time. .after atu aku kn buat lagu lagi,so tukar jadi part time. .hehehe,kalau buleh aku mau jadi cook!hehe. .mcm cuzenku aah,ea tpulang dpt position atu,hoho,jelesku. . .hehe,bh,atu jer kali fo today. .assalamualaikuum~ n peace

XD X) X0 X| X(

Assalamualaikum people. .n hye. .havent blogged for quite awhile. .sorry about that. .and theres a reason why,which i will explain shortly hehe. .but before that,i have an announcement to make. .remember MH?and in the earlier post i mentioned her sister,remember her?lets call her YH instead of EH,hehe. .anyway,what i want to tell you guys is that,im into her now. .sorry i didnt tell u before. .i wanted to tell but then its kinda awkward to do so cuz she reads this blog,hehe. .and that is why i havent blogged for awhile. .so why am i tellin u guys,now?its because i'll be blogging about her from now on. .hehe. .so,i owe guys a story?hahah. .well,imma make it short. .rmember when i tried to forget MH?thats when she came,she helped me in deciding what to do. .so i moved on and soon find out that i started to have feelings for her. .hoho. . .so one day i kinda confessed indirectly,i wasnt expecting anything,i just think that i shouldnt hide,i never liked hiding,hahah. .but then she told me that she liked me too. .wooaah. .we started to get closer since then. .and then MH found out about this,hahah. .MH asked me "why her?is it bcuz shes the closest to MH?scary" didnt get to answer that,hahah. .but no!its not bcuz shes like another MH,but its bcuz shes my type. .that simple xD hahah. .but why am i blogging bout her now?bcuz. .we wont be contacting each other starting tomorrow since shes gnna be busy fo school,and ofcourse i'll be down,and expressing my self in this blog would help me feel better,hehe,besides i'd be bored without her so blogging will do to get rid of that boredom. .hahah. .u guys must be wonderin how she is like that she gets my interest. .so maybe next post?hehe. .alryte thats all. .hope u guys understand what i was trynna say,hahah,ngaleh ku cek wah kalau ada mistake kh apakh. .bh,assalamualaikum n peace. .