Hatred

To make it simple,i hate my self. .but its not my style. .i am very grateful that i am not physically retarded. .but i hate my 'special' ability. .it works passively,i dont have to do anything except for talking. .i cud reach to a person's heart and abuse it. .either leave a scar,or crush it. .i will be fine,until i find out wat i did. .n after that,i will be crushed,ryte away. .how many times i cursed my self n how many times i cried. .millions.why must there be a monster in me?why must i hurt people?it hurts to hurt. .guiltiness is a form of pain which will not die until you forgive your self. .n forgivin my self is impossible,since i cant apologize to my self. . .i tried to do so,by talking to frens.things just keep getting better when ur own fren says that ur evil. . .i tried to be kind,tot i was being kind,i was too late i find out i was being d opposite. .i cried while d monster laughed. .it is growing. .i am weakening n my frens arent there to support me. .i am falling n my frens arent there to save me. .i am dead. . .n d monster is alive. . .